Firstly Im looking forward to meeting all of you in June -  and what a great turn out -  28 for the full 90 minutes and 2 squad players arriving at half time to make the numbers up to an impressive 30!  Good work fellas.

So chaps, the time has come to send out to you all the itinery for Matt's celebratory tour of the fine island of Majorca.

I think we should all appreciate where it is we are going as clearly we need to understand the promised land before undertaking our  pilgrimage. We are all there like Monkey, Pigsy and Sandy on a mission to guide Tripitaka Storey through the perils that lie ahead.

In Germany and the UK where package tourism to Majorca has been popular since the 1960s, it has become a synonym for mass tourism and also for birdwatchers -  interesting!  So don’t forget your binoculars…

Majorca is one of the Balearic Islands, which are located in the Mediterranean Sea and are a part of Spain. The island is a popular tourist destination and typical dishes of Majorca are ensaïmada.  It is written in Tripitaka’s scriptures that Matt needs to consume  a pastry made with pork lard (saïm) and sobrassada, sausage with lard and paprika, at least twice on tour. It is all our responsibility that we beef Matt up in order that he fits into his 26” waist trousers and 14” collar shirt.

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Whats occurring then?

Well as you must know Matt loves the 80’s and I have to say it was certainly a great time of our lives.  So to try and give Matt the send off he wants we are sticking to the 80’s theme. Cast your mind back and think Hemery, Barrington, Macdonald and Jacks. Keegan going over the handlebars on his racer - it can only be Superstars, the all-around sports competition that pits elite athletes from different sports against one another in a series of athletic events resembling a stag do decathlon. When I found out that the electronic scoring systems that were introduced on the show were ran on the Commodore Vic 20, it was then a no brainer that this had to play a part of our tour as this was Matt’s first and favourite computer.
However, given there are 30 finely tuned athletes going, we will be taking on the channel 5 spin-off  The Superteam:

Now I don’t know many of you on this trip so the teams have been hand picked without any prior knowledge of your athletic and ultimately your football skills. Well I do remember Guy was pretty special at making mud bombs on the pitch, thank goodness his sidekick Matt Lawrence isn’t going as well!! And Ashley’s prowess may depend on whether he’s wearing those snake skin trousers he wore in the 80's.

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The teams are as follows:

 

 

 

 

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Wednesday 17th June

Meet at Southampton Airport 08:15

10:15 Flight

Arrive Palma 13:30

Transfers sorted and we arrive at the Inn Appartmentos 15:00hrs

You will be issued with a matchbox that you must keep with you at all times – one will contain a rice crispie (this is in tribute to Matt’s skin tag that he removed using dental floss  and kept for the about 15 years in a matchbox by his bed). Anyone found with the rice crispie when requested  to 'show your box!' will have a drinking challenge. After each call, match boxes are all returned to `Matt's Bag of Tricks' and you can select a new box to look after – you don’t get to look in it until the next call. It’s a variation on Deal or No Deal with Matt playing Noel, that’s Edmonds not Gallagher!

So cases dropped off and a quick drink in the bar, talk football and then a nice  early night after an exhausting journey!!

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Thursday 18th June

This is when the challenges start and they are set in the pool area

Rules of Superstars:

Scoring:
1st place – 6 points
2nd place – 4 points
3rd place – 2 points
4th place – 1 point

Each team gets a joker they can play at any time – points scored are doubled!

There are 10 challenges in total finishing with a 5 aside challenge on Sunday.

Clothing   (must be 80’s style)
T-shirts in team colours must be worn at all times of the tournament – irrespective of condition or smell! These are provided.

Shorts (must be 80’s style – think Sergio Tacchini tennis style or far too short and shiny Kenny Dalglish style or Seb Coe runners) - you must provide.   Co-ordinated team appearance all the better.

Head bands and sweat bands are a must.

Footwear: Dunlop Greenflash, plimsoles or a classic Adidas or Diadora gold minimum requirement

Socks:  Co-ordinated in team colours essential

So meet at the pool at 14:00 hrs (TBC). On this first day there are  5 events -  so 30 points and early bragging rights are up for grabs on this first day of Superteams.

Event 1:           Pool  – 7 man `We Are the Champions Ron Pickering` relay

Event 2:           By the pool - Keepy ups challenge (7 men)

Event 3:           By the pool - 7 man Brian Jacks challenge

Event 4:           Roads  - 7 man – 1 mile challenge

Event 5:           By the pool  - 7 man Boat Race

We will then analyse the first day's scoring and league table, have a few beers round the pool, then obviously up to bed for another early night.

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Friday 19th June

So, feeling incredibly fresh after 2 early nights and a healthy diet of Mediterranean fruit and veg, its on to the second day of challenges.

These will consist of 4 events and be based down by the beach

Event 6:           Beach  - 7 Men - Team Shuttles

Event 7:           Beach  -  Speedos for goal posts – Penalty shoot out

Event 8:           Beach – Pedalo /Lilo Lil time trial – All 7 men.

Event 9 :          Beach – Another 7 man Boat Race

At this stage the leader board will be completed and the standings, and hence the match order for Sunday, will be determined.

Friday night will also be a quiet affair -  and those wishing to push the boat out a little on this non-school night will be pleased to know that Matt has hired a video player (I believe a Betamax top loader) and he will be staying up late watching re-runs of Champion the Wonder Horse, The Kids of Degrassi Street and The Red Hand Gang. Between episodes he is planning Connect 4 challenges.  So it could be a crazy Friday for those looking to experience the fun side of Majorca.  Lights out will be pushed back to midnight.  Don’t let it be said that we can't work hard and play hard on this tour.

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Saturday 20th June

On this day we welcome two more additions to the squad -  Aaron and Scott are arriving on parade.  Clearly they thought they wouldn’t be able to handle Matt's crazy night in front of the VCR so waited 'til Saturday to join us.
Browner and Scott will be issued with their match box and Superstars Super Subs t-shirts!!

However, after a late one watching the mighty Champion and realising that the time has finally come when everyone really does know his name it has been decided that Saturday will be a day of rest.

Saturday night is Disco night!

And there will be a requirement to sport full attire under the banner of `Breakdance 2: Electric Boogaloo`  -  As you must all know this is Matt’s favourite movie and it is the fancy dress theme that he wants. It is expected that everyone makes an effort as it has been his dream (he even wrote to Jimmy Saville to fix it for him but to no avail) to be an extra in Breakdance 2.  This is his chance.  So we're looking for full head-to-toe.

Ideas:  Tight Nike vests,  lots of colour, baggy trousers, fluorescent, pork pie style hats, bandanas,  Special K! Ozone! and Turbo!,  fingerless leather gloves,  please make an effort and go right over board -  more cheese the better.

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Sunday 21st June

We are back to the competition  and the final event is a 5 a side football tournament  -  again make sure your team colours/shirts are worn for this.

Pitches will be booked for approx 17:00 hrs

Matches will be played as follows:

1 v 4
2 v 3
1 v 3
2 v 4
3 v 4
1 v 2

3 points a win

There will also be a cross bar challenge taking place -  bonus 10 points for any direct hits.

This will give us the overall winning team.

That evening we will be going for a team meal -  which will see the presentation of awards and Matt's Mr and Mrs competition.

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Monday 22nd June

That’s all folks!

Airport transfer approximately 11am and flights home 14:10

Don’t forget at ANY TIME the matchbox can be called into play.  Jokers can be played only once. Judges decisions are final and events can be changed and added to at any time!

And make sure we have some fun!!